Rising Hegemon -- After Dark!!

And a few minutes later they sang "Rocket Man"

2009-12-29T02:54:00.000-08:00

(from here)

May 27, 1929

2009-12-11T06:36:00.000-08:00

On Ye' Olde Gawker, Ms. Ida Penelope Turgeson reveals she has laid many times with professional golfer Bobby Jones.

The American Dream dies 2009

2009-10-08T02:07:00.001-07:00

I'm now officially cheering for the rapture now.

Adam Reviews the Fleshlight Motion from Gizmodo on Vimeo.

Alright Glenn Beck & Glenn Reynolds

2009-04-15T04:54:00.001-07:00

You want to Teabag?

HAVE AT IT!

I'm looking forward to K-Lo's review

2009-04-14T05:48:00.001-07:00

K-Lo's got a li'l something for Rick Santelli

2009-02-23T01:13:00.000-08:00

Well, that certainly was a "big" play

2009-02-02T03:25:00.000-08:00

If you lived in Tuscon and have cable, your Super Bowl may have included a bit more "excitement" than usual. Perhaps this was a commercial for the Pipefitters Union?

(note: Very VERY NSFW)

With Rich Lowry in the office

2008-12-17T07:55:00.001-08:00

It's time for K-Lo to do her best "presenting".

(Fez tip to Watertiger for the picture)

Dick Cheney's Farewell Address

2008-12-12T06:23:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Monkeyfister.

Everyone wants to be the Tight End

2008-10-21T16:19:00.000-07:00

A team video so shocking the whole franchise was forced to move to another city.

NOT FOR THE DOUBLE ENTENDRE INTOLERANT!!!

Pay particular attention to #77, that's all I'll tell you.

Money Shots you can believe in!

2008-10-14T06:02:00.000-07:00

Well, this is certainly targeted advertising:

"NOT IN THE FACE, TODD, McCAIN/PALIN 2008!!"

Brian Blessed

2008-10-14T03:15:00.001-07:00

Or as I like to call him, "Old World Shatner", tells a story that sounds like an adventure, but is, in reality, a metaphor for the McCain Campaign's recent tactics:

Seriously, is there some reason Shatner & Blessed have never been cast together in the ultimate Buddy Cop film? It should have happened years ago, casting Eartha Kitt as their mutual love interest they have to engage in outrageous displays of male vanity over.

Is it possible that celluloid is incapable of containing both of them on the screen at the same time?

You know, it's just a short hop

2008-10-13T07:22:00.001-07:00

from this:

to this.

Abaca Press/Olivier Douliery

[h/t Julia and the crew at Wake Up World]

Oh, those Palin kids, you never know where they'll be abstaining next!

2008-09-11T13:09:00.001-07:00

It's bad enough

2008-06-27T02:14:00.000-07:00

That there exists a "Verne Troyer Sex Tape", I mean my life is largely traumatized the the existence of so many Ron Jeremy Sex Tapes.

But the worst part is, it apparently co-stars Amy Winehouse:

And, in what may be the final nail(ing) in the coffin of civilization it has a special appearance by Gene Simmons, Pammy Atlas and for some reason Lindsey Graham. As Pammy would say, "the horrah, the horrah".

What we learn on the inner-tubes

2008-06-11T05:53:00.001-07:00

That Jeri Thompson is keeping busy in Republican Politics.

"And we found this floating around

2008-05-16T04:46:00.000-07:00

in Mrs. Duggar's uterus."

REUTERS/Bob Strong

"Wow. Michelle Duggar has

2008-05-12T10:00:00.000-07:00

finally met her match!"

STR/AFP/Getty Images

Well that didn't take long

2008-05-12T04:41:00.000-07:00

Coming soon to Vivid Video "The Jenna Bush Honeymoon".

Happy News People

2008-05-09T08:05:00.000-07:00

Through the miracle of hoists, viscous fluids, and dreams about sexy nekked Jesus, our favorite family here at Rising Hegemon: After Dark is about to bring another miracle into the world.

Michelle Duggar, 41, is due on New Year's Day, and the latest addition will join seven sisters and 10 brothers. There are two sets of twins.

"We've had three in January, three in December. Those two months are a busy time for us," she said, laughing.

It brings back memories:

This year for Jedidiah Duggar, age 6. It appears that his first grade artwork is rather revealing. Each student in the class was asked to draw his parents.

It will be especially interesting considering that Jedidiah is home schooled.

K-Lo says NO PORN for you soldier!

2008-04-24T16:10:00.000-07:00

Uh-oh:

I love men. I love men being men. I love military men. And I thank God they are military men. But I find it hard to believe that all military men are "drinking and whoring Saturday night," and if they are in any kind of majority, yeah, that bears scrutiny.

But she has a workable substitute in mind.

As she and her sister demonstrate on Rich Lowry:

Jenna Bush prepares for the Big Day

2008-04-18T03:18:00.000-07:00

"Alright, it's Circle Jerk Time, everybody pick a partner"

2008-04-04T08:03:00.001-07:00

Kevin Lamarque/Reuters

Silda Wall exacts her revenge

2008-03-26T14:32:00.000-07:00

in the privacy of her own home:

"I bet she bites."

2008-03-24T12:02:00.000-07:00

Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images

This may finally end sex videos...

2008-02-27T04:08:00.000-08:00

These kids today with their IPods and their Hannah Montana in 3Ds and their Pruane2Forever commentaries -- they are sucking up all the hip happenin' action that exists in our society outside of Obama Rallies.

What do they leave for us middle aged people?

I'll tell you what -- Viral Videos built around sexual congress between celebrities. From Sara Silverman it has now, quickly hit a dead end -- thanks so fucking much Seth Rogan!

A trend killed at the third effort. Which means I am now totally fucked ... and not with someone else... at my effort to merge the Virusus (Virusi?). It appears from recent internet events that a video proclaiming "I'm Fucking Gene Simmons" will not be as popular as some other fads.

Which is too bad, because I already had started writing lyrics:

I'm fucking Gene Simmons
Yes, she's fucking Gene Simmons
But I don't want to brag 'bout it
I'm fucking Gene Simmons
Yes, she's fucking Gene Simmons
And it's a small bit o' disappointment

On a bed after the bar
With L'il Gene not very hard
Not a boat out on the ocean
Hey Gene are you in motion?
Oh so drunk and on a bet
I need not an ointment or a lotion

...at least not yet

Stay strong and in makeup Gene. And once again thanks so fucking much Seth Rogan!

KISS

2008-02-14T08:15:00.001-08:00

Bush I hear you calling
But my friend I'm quite busy now
Besides my friends are aging
And we can't hear high-pitched sounds

Just a few more hours
And I'll be snugglin' up to you
The voices they're a' calling
Oh Bush what can I do
Bush what can I do

My friend you feel so empty
And your heads an empty dome
I'm always somewhere else
And polls show you're all alone

Just a few more hours
And I'll be cuddlin' next to you
Blue pills will be a poppin'
Oh Bush what can I do
Bush what can I do

Bush I know you're horney
And you're sphincter oh quite tight
'Cause me and my friends will be playing all night

Elizabeth Barrett Brownie

2008-02-14T03:17:00.000-08:00

How do I love thee? My friend, let me count the ways.
I love thee, my friend, to the depth and breadth and height
My friend's soul can reacharound, when out of sight
For the wanks of Being and ideal Grace.
I love my friend to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, my friend I strive Right;
I love thee purely, my friend Rush be Praised.
I love thee my friend with passion put to choose
In my old briefs, my friend resides my stiff faith.
I love thee my friend with Iraq I am bound to lose
With my lost wanks—my friend with Ensure breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my friend!—and, if God choose,
I shall my friend love another soldier's death.

A Poem of Love, by John McCain.

2008-02-13T08:04:00.000-08:00

To the one love of his life, he didn't have to dump his wife for:

O, my friend like a red, red rose
Who's nose also bears a rosy crown
O, my friend's like the melody
That thus bombs those shaded brown

Torture 'tis bad, my friend alas
Yet deep in luve am I
And I will luve thee still, my friend
Though 2-terms built upon a lie

Till a' the ol' glands dry, my friend
And the viagras wilt wi'n 4 hours
O I will luve thee still, my friend
While 100 years from my pants unflowers

"Now, let me tell y'all how to toss a salad"

2008-02-04T02:31:00.001-08:00

(AP Photo/Charles Dharapak)

A VIST FROM ST. NICOLAS HELICOPTER BEN

2008-01-29T06:43:00.000-08:00

BY LARRY KUDLOW

Twas the night before the Fed met, when all through the house,
Not a broker was stirring, not even their mouse;
The baskets were waiting our arms and our care,
In hopes that Helicopter Ben would make a cash drop there;
Republican whiners were all smug in the head,
With visions of Hummers with thick fucking tread;
And Bush in his jammies, and me feelin' randy,
Had just done a line of fine Belize nose candy,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from bed thinkin' laced-insecticide was the matter.
Away to the window I flew and I flashed,
Tore open the shutters but threw up on my stash.

The moon on the creast of the ralphed upon blow
Gave the luster of mid-day to objects below,
When, what did appear to my eyes full of chancres,
but a Sikorsky product, with eight flyin' bankers,

With a little bearded driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be Ben, the ol' prick.
More rapid than Jonah away from Iraq ,
Ben whistled, and yelled, and dropped a greenback,

"Now, BUSHIE! now, GREENSPAN! now, BENTHAM and SMITH!
On, KEYNES! on LAFFER! on, FREIDMAN, GALBREITH!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now Cash away! Cash away! Cash away all!"

"As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, they mounted oh my,
So up to the house-top the markets they flew,
With the helicopter o' money, and Bernanke too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard from the poof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Down the ticker Bernanke came unbound.

He was dressed all in shit, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all smelly with mortagages kaput;
A bundle of calls he had shaved from his back,
and he looked like an old feller with a low hangin' sack.

His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks like roses, if liberal I'd call him a fairy!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;

The stump of his pump he placed upon my quaking teeth,
And the smokin' it thusly my head bobbed like a beast;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook, when he laughed a flingin' his jelly.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I gagged when I blew him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
I filled up to my stockings; with no warning, the jerk,
Laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, oh his chimney done blows;

He sprang to the chopper, his team gave their all,
And away they all flew like Larry Craig from a stall.
But I heard him exclaim, he left with nary a trace,
"ENJOY YOUR CASH AS YOU TOOK IT, RIGHT ON THE FACE"

Laura Bush, Backdoor Action Figure.

2008-01-17T09:22:00.000-08:00

AP/Gerald Herbert

Who knew she was such an exhibitionist?

Well here's a position you don't see too often from the Huckabees

2008-01-16T02:57:00.000-08:00

At least without a male ~~youth minister~~ prostitute being present.

Photoshoppers Awayyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

REUTERS/Carlos Barria (UNITED STATES)

What you didn't see...

2008-01-11T06:37:00.001-08:00

Oh, sure. They showed you the picture of Bush signing in at Yad Vashim. But they didn't capture the full image.

"Now THAT'S a face I can sit on!"

2008-01-10T19:13:00.000-08:00

Never mind about the sand.

REUTERS/Jim Young

"I prefer it when Jeri

2007-12-11T10:34:00.000-08:00

grabs the bottom of the shaft and yanks real hard."

AP/David Adame

I knew Karen Hughes had gone back to Texas

2007-11-14T12:16:00.000-08:00

But I didn't know...

The "Manhands Memorial" was nearing completion.

And Now...

2007-10-31T05:37:00.000-07:00

A Halloween tale in three parts...

FINI!

"One for the pink...

2007-10-23T05:24:00.000-07:00

Jeri's real petite."

AP/Reinhold Matay

So yesterday

2007-10-10T03:05:00.000-07:00

Without really paying attention to the origin of the comments, I kept hearing people at Eschaton mention a guy in two wetsuits.

Now, I've stumbled into it:

“An Alabama minister who died in June of ‘accidental mechanical asphyxia’ was found hogtied and wearing two complete wet suits, including a face mask, diving gloves and slippers, rubberized underwear, and a head mask, according to an autopsy report.” He also had a dildo up his ass, but it was wearing a condom."

Well, at least there was death with dignity.

A statement from his Church:

Aldridge served as the church's pastor for 16 years. Immediately following his death, church officials issued a press release asking community members to "please refrain from speculation" about what led to Aldridge's demise, adding that, "we will begin the healing process under the strong arm of our Savior, Jesus Christ."

Man, I hate it when Christ shakes me down over my gambling debts...especially in the knees.

And "Refrain from Speculation"? What the fuck? Peggy Noonan, you want to handle that one?

Probably about right...

2007-09-07T03:44:00.000-07:00

And strangely close to the thoughts of Jenna Bush:

Panda Demands Abortion

Iran is DOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!

2007-09-05T13:55:00.000-07:00

INTRODUCING,

Finally, GOP Sponsored Legislation I can support!

2007-08-27T02:52:00.000-07:00

Live

Judi Nathan finally finds a suitable

2007-08-23T05:15:00.000-07:00

role in the Giuliani campaign.

AP/Lenny Ignelzi

"I get to wear the black

2007-08-16T09:17:00.001-07:00

merrywidow outfit tonight, right?"

AP/Ed Reinke

I apologize. Really. Uncalled for.

Then again, you should have seen the ones that didn't make the cut.

Chris Matthews Favorite Car Commercial

2007-08-14T05:10:00.000-07:00

But then again, it's Chris Matthews so maybe it is this:

The BEST thing to come out of Daily Kos

2007-08-08T14:08:00.000-07:00

Although it bogarts my Calendar plans for 2008!

Wow...

2007-07-16T11:11:00.000-07:00

The Chinese are hard core, executing their former FDA head for taking bribes that led to defective food products.

But I'm not sure they fully understand the situation:

I apologize in advance

2007-07-13T07:59:00.000-07:00

This is wrong, very wrong. I'm a liberal I should know better, but my first duty on this blog is to mean-spirited comedy. Therefore, in light of this, I present.

Again, I apologize.

"Aw, Honey, God forgave me..."

2007-07-12T04:09:00.001-07:00

So how 'bout a good spanking?"

Dude definitely has O'Reilly's vote!

Dave & Rudy

2007-07-11T05:46:00.000-07:00

AP Photo/Bill Haber

Search for the best rimjobs in New Orleans!

Looks like Denny Hastert's Balls

2007-06-21T00:57:00.000-07:00

Are starting to retain those cheese curds.

(They can't all be K-Lo jokes)

Picture thanks to Watertiger.

Mrs. Fred Thompson VBLOGS

2007-06-04T06:10:00.000-07:00

Mrs. Fred Thompson's secret campaign strategy!

2007-05-31T04:14:00.000-07:00

Family Values People! Family Values!

Let's see Margaret Carlson do THAT!

AH SWEET MYSTERIES OF LIFE AT LAST YOU BLIND ME!

2007-05-21T04:59:00.001-07:00

Jonah and K-Lo finally get together in this shocking surveillance video from the National Review's Homeland Security Cam! (Usually detached and taken home by "the Derb" to monitor teenage girls)

WORST DAISY CHAIN EVER!

2007-05-17T04:27:00.000-07:00

REUTERS/Jim Young

Oh, okay, Limbaugh-Coulter-Hasert is worse. Like a slice of turkey jerky between two loaves. Or perhaps Greenspan-Mitchell-Broder, or Novak-Cheney-Buchanan, and I'm not referring to Lynne.

Dick Cheney really IS a dickhead.

2007-05-07T10:56:00.000-07:00

Here's the proof:

REUTERS/Jim Bourg

Purple an' everything.

Um, yeah

2007-04-18T02:38:00.000-07:00

You're a pirate.

Looks like your timber's a bit shivered.

REUTERS/Mihai Barbu

What happens to Ann Coulter

2007-04-13T04:53:00.000-07:00

when you leave her out in the sun.

[send bills for brain bleach to DR reader Catstaff]

Holy Week for Bill Donohue

2007-04-02T05:15:00.000-07:00

Chocolate, it's hard to passover.

"So you like Gladiator Movies?"

2007-03-12T04:43:00.000-07:00

Since "The 300" made $70 million on its opening weekend, it's obvious that Atta J. Turk has a money making idea for Hollywood that Victor Davis Hanson couldn't possibly pass up:

"THE 30W"

Take that Xerxes! (so to speak)

Alert the Republican Flack of your choice.

"And that's one wet pussy!"

2007-03-11T18:48:00.000-07:00

Laura Bush teaches sex education to young Colombian children.

AP Photo/William Fernando Martinez

Lessons for eroticizing moobs.

2007-03-08T17:51:00.000-08:00

P.S. K-Lo, take note.

A Special Message to Mitt Romney

2007-02-28T14:37:00.000-08:00

From his biggest fan:

Now on sale! Deep discount!

2007-01-30T14:11:00.000-08:00

The Real Doll™ Presidential Series: George W. Bush, 43rd President.

REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque

"I am so gonna testify this bitch"

2007-01-30T05:52:00.000-08:00

It's 'Judy Miller Day' at the Libby Trial.

"Touched by a Wingnut"

2007-01-25T04:43:00.000-08:00

We at Rising Hegemon-After Dark were sad to have lost the important contribution that former Florida Representative Kathryn Harris was providing to our nation's snark-ecosystem.

But it appears America's greatest natural resource is its ability to find a shallow lunatic and elect them to Congress with an "R" behind their name.

Yesterday, in the wake of the State of the Union, we discovered that Representative Michele Bachmann of Minnesota was so touched by her touch with the President that she sent him a work of art she had commissioned.

I'm sure, like George W. Bush, we will all be awed:

GOD BLESS AMERICA!

Jenna Bush's Bio

2007-01-21T08:51:00.000-08:00

It'll be Skanktacular!

"Yeah, it's nice and all...

2007-01-07T05:15:00.000-08:00

But it is really hard to masturbate to."

This photo provided by Chelsea Galleria shows a painting 'Blessed Art Thou,' by North Carolina artist Kate Kretz that features actress Angelina Jolie and her three children hovering in the heavens above a Wal-Mart. Kretz says she's intrigued by the public fascination with celebrities. The painting will be shown at Art Miami, an arts show. (AP Photo/Chelsea Galleria, Kate Kretz)

Besides, it involves Wal-Mart -- shouldn't she be telling those kids to "shut the fuck up"; have them dressed in NASCAR attire, and/or be threatening to beat them to death?

Clllllllllllllllassssssy!

2006-12-28T20:45:00.000-08:00

It's not scary that Britney Spears was clueless that her tits were falling out of her dress.

AP/Danny Molosho

What's scary is that these two spawned TWICE. And one of their progeny might become President of the United States.

[h/t DR reader Deb]

News of the World

2006-12-27T03:24:00.000-08:00

From Firedoglake:

Meanwhile,

(AFP/File/Juan Mabromata)

I don't know nothin' 'bout birthin' no babies!

2006-12-17T12:24:00.000-08:00

Christmas Cards [Kathryn Jean Lopez]
Isn't there something quaint about them? I do nearly everything that used to be done via snail mail online — everything that lets me. I get pictures of babies within hours of their birth. And yet we still send Christmas cards. There's something so conservative about it that I might even be inspired to actually mail them this year.

And then she'll snuggle up with her honey.

Well, another illusion lost

2006-12-13T04:53:00.000-08:00

Shocking!

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Porn queen Jenna Jameson filed court papers on Monday seeking legal separation from her husband of three years, fellow adult film star Jay Grdina, who headed the business venture she sold to Playboy Enterprises Inc. this summer.

Porn stars having "issues" who'd have thunk it? What could be more stable than a relationship built upon money for sex?

"You mean you won't take it up the butt for free dear?

MY GOD, YOU'RE KILLING ME INSIDE!"

Yes, once again, men are shocked to discover life is not like a porn film, or an Anna Marie Cox post.

Go figger. I hope K-Lo can shed some light on this in her pending "Sex Buffet" column.

A new feature

2006-12-07T06:51:00.000-08:00

Watertiger and I are pleased to announce a new regular feature here at Rising-Hegemon After Dark. "K-Lo's Sex Buffet" where you are invited to send K-Lo those questions and requests for advice that only a naive, boneheaded, inexperienced, holier-than-thou, virgin could possibly be exposed to.

Please send your inquiries to kloquestions@yahoo.com

Recently, at an Undisclosed Location

2006-12-06T02:38:00.000-08:00

Modified from here.

Now also with the sound of the magic-happenin'

When do you know you've reached a new low?

2006-11-28T16:21:00.000-08:00

When Paris Hilton tries (and fails) to prevent you showing off you hoo-hah.

That girl needs herself some mormon underwear.

K-Lo sends a Video-Love Letter to Mitt Romney

2006-11-21T17:42:00.000-08:00

Don't blame me, I'm just reporting the news:

You can blame Monkeyfister if you must.

Laura tries to impress the Asians

2006-11-19T15:55:00.000-08:00

with tales of her patented "Four on a Match" trick.

AP

I'm tired from the last couple weeks

2006-11-17T03:32:00.000-08:00

Write your own K-Lo joke you lazy bastard!

Although, it is either cold, or she just heard Mitt Romney is in town.

(AP Photo/ Great Ape Trust)

May-December romantic comedy, anyone?

2006-10-29T16:31:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I lied. It's more like a low-grade "Manos, The Hands of Fate" style horror flick. Enjoy!

Spring into the New Year

2006-10-28T14:21:00.000-07:00

With the 2007 GOP: Character Counts Calendar.

After all, it could be our last year!

I guess that's kind of a disincentive:

Check off the final days of the

2006-10-27T09:04:00.000-07:00

lameass duck Bush administration! Go on...you know you want to.

Global Warming may give you an everlasting Summer, but you still need a calendar...

2006-10-25T09:57:00.000-07:00

...if for no other reason than to stay medicated.

So we continue to show you this preview of, the "GOP: Character Counts Calendar"

Keep on counting!

2006-10-24T18:20:00.000-07:00

We here at Rising Hegemon - AFTER DARK! thought you might enjoy another oh-so-tasty sample from the 2007 "Character Counts" calendar.

If you think these look good, wait until Attaturk gets his hands on Photoshop!

The 2007 GOP "Character Counts" Calendar!

2006-10-23T05:04:00.000-07:00

Coming soon from the co-proprietors of this site, the 2007 GOP "Character Counts" calendar. Month by month, watch another 365 days ebb from your life as yet another year takes you closer to your eternal rest.

Get yours today--Ken Mehlman looks at his every night before he goes to sleep!

Let's start the countdown now...

JANUARY 2007

FEBRUARY 2007

Alright Photoshoppers

2006-10-20T03:34:00.000-07:00

You know what to do!

Translating Sam & Frodo for the GOP

2006-10-19T07:55:00.000-07:00

The other day, Rick Santorum said this:

"As the hobbits are going up Mount Doom, the Eye of Mordor is being drawn somewhere else," Santorum said. "It's being drawn to Iraq and it's not being drawn to the U.S. You know what? I want to keep it on Iraq. I don't want the Eye to come back here to the United States."

Senator, I think there is something you are missing in the "Lord of the Rings" (you really must read the appendices)

It's okay, they are both out of their tweens.

Happy Anniversary Bill, it was two years ago, October 13, 2004, a date which will live forever in our funny bones (so to speak)

2006-10-16T16:56:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Special Commander Thor for reminding us.

Some men are born to greatness,

2006-09-27T18:07:00.000-07:00

Some men should have your anus thrust upon them.

George W. Bush is just such a man.

I tell you, one of these would be perfect for Bill O'Reilly. Reenact your funniest moments from the Newlywed Game.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the George W. Bush Buttplug:

You know, if I didn't know better, I'd swear when you look carefully at that buttplug (and who doesn't inspect their buttplugs carefully?) it looks a bit, oh I don't know, like they sort of recycled their inventory from the last Administration.

Oh great

2006-09-21T05:18:00.000-07:00

(AFP/File)
Now Ann Althouse is going to go after early hominids using their breasts!

Speaking of which, this is one that didn't get published...

Evolution, its nipply...

Mr. Turk, at long last, have you no sense of decency, sir?

2006-09-07T07:45:00.000-07:00

With Bush & E.D. Hill displaying their "O" faces so prominently, I have indeed, no sense of decency.

Sadly, it is you, the reader that must suffer.

Modified from here.

Laura still can't remember where

2006-08-15T18:39:00.000-07:00

she left her "best friend."

Surrounded by admirers Mr. Mehlman

2006-08-15T11:51:00.000-07:00

Says he'll need a towel in about 10 minutes.

Homey don't swallow.

(AP)

Basic Instink

2006-07-27T14:55:00.000-07:00

Somebody give Tweety Oxygen,stat!

Thanks to Friday's Child at D.U.

Coming this Fall to the Home Shopping Network

2006-07-25T05:52:00.000-07:00

"Hi, I'm Joe Lieberman. Long-time United States Senator, I know it is important that a product be developed that will change the lives of American Women of Child Bearing age for years to come.

Been the victim of a rape or molestation? Well, in those cases, I'd encourage you to keep that child, so you can look at the product of your violation for the rest of your life. I'm sure the child will turn out just fine.

But, if for some reason, you are just not strong enough to bear it, remember not every hospital should have to deal with you and your sinful womb. It may therefore, be necessary for you to travel somewhere else for assistance.

And that's why I am pleased to endorse the Joe Lieberman Rape Gurney.

With it's 500 horsepower, turbo injected rocket engine, the Joe Lieberman Rape Gurney can get you to another hospital, anywhere in the nation, before the end of your first trimester.

The Joe Lieberman Rape Gurney, if you really must tempt a man to assert his god-given right to overpower you sexually, it'll come in handy.

And if you buy now, you'll get a George Foreman Grill, as well as a large, portrait of me, Joe Lieberman, waving my finger of shame in your general direction.

Get it today!"

Say what you will, it's still one of Branson's better stage shows

2006-07-17T09:14:00.000-07:00

(AFP/File/Arko Datta)

New from Bed, Bath & Beyond

2006-07-13T03:55:00.000-07:00

Republican Toiletries and Sundries:

Shower Curtains:

and don't forget your kids...

AND NEW...

Outdoor Repellants:

The Ann Coulter Coochie sented candle, repels mosquitos.*

*WARNING: does draw flies.

I'm Joe Lieberman

2006-07-05T12:18:00.000-07:00

And whenever I am engaged in meaningful policy debate with someone from the opposite party there's only one thing that keeps me able to come back for discourse again and again.

New National Catchphrase Contest

2006-07-05T07:18:00.000-07:00

"Kiss My Grits", "Aaaaayyyyyy", "I'm comin' Elizabeth", "Wha' chu talkin' bout Willis?"

All phrases that burned their way into our national consciousness in the late 1970's and early 1980's.

Well, it truly is about time to create a character and a phrase that can be used for all manner of situations.

I suggest the following:

Perhaps you have suggestions of your own. We here would be delighted to hear them!

Somebody want to tell Zelig McCain

2006-07-04T07:39:00.000-07:00

What holiday it is?